A lot has changed since I last sat down to write. I'm about to start my 4th semester at Goa College of Engineering. That's the second half of my second year here. At the time of writing this, I'm about to answer my last semester paper of the 3rd semester.
What's now turned out to become normal for me is that I just try to get by. No more spending upwards of 8 hours a day studying to get as much as I could like I did in my early years. I once had Math/Science averages of 96% and now I seem to be just doing the minimum requirements, sometimes even less.
Seemed to have gone down a wrong path........right?
That's debatable.
During my early years I always felt this sense of impending doom when exams would approach. Maybe a bit dramatic by my current standards but accurate nevertheless. Also, I would have sleepless nights aplenty along with recurring non-clinical depression.
Now? All that has disappeared.
What's changed in the past year in college is not just my approach towards studying but almost everything else that I do.
I slowly started evaluating all that I did and why I did it. In the process I realized that I was doing a lot of stuff without realizing even the reason for having started it. Doing a lot of stuff because someone once told me that "It's good to be a person who does Y or is a person who is Z.
My so called "revelations" tend to be a long time in the making as I have repeatedly discovered. This isn't a thought or philosophy that suddenly occurred to me one day but rather developed over the course of more than two years.Why was I trying to be good at something even though I didn't quite enjoy doing it? Or didn't enjoy it at all at times?
I thought back and tried to remember whether someone forced me. Nope, even my mother despite being a teacher always encouraged me to do whatever I was happy doing.
And after years of doing it, you tend to forget why you started doing it or why you held it up with such importance.
I tend to question everything these days. Even as seemingly normal events unfold before me, I question everything about it, psychology, philosophy, subjectivity and it's implications.
And I've also found that I am able to focus my thoughts even clearly than before. Making a difference instead of mindlessly working towards inhumane goals. I've found to slowly discover and sometimes even rediscover what I enjoy and am able to plan out my future even better, Whether that future contains me being an engineer is still to be seen.
Until next time,
Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.
What's now turned out to become normal for me is that I just try to get by. No more spending upwards of 8 hours a day studying to get as much as I could like I did in my early years. I once had Math/Science averages of 96% and now I seem to be just doing the minimum requirements, sometimes even less.
Seemed to have gone down a wrong path........right?
That's debatable.
During my early years I always felt this sense of impending doom when exams would approach. Maybe a bit dramatic by my current standards but accurate nevertheless. Also, I would have sleepless nights aplenty along with recurring non-clinical depression.
Now? All that has disappeared.
What's changed in the past year in college is not just my approach towards studying but almost everything else that I do.
I slowly started evaluating all that I did and why I did it. In the process I realized that I was doing a lot of stuff without realizing even the reason for having started it. Doing a lot of stuff because someone once told me that "It's good to be a person who does Y or is a person who is Z.
My so called "revelations" tend to be a long time in the making as I have repeatedly discovered. This isn't a thought or philosophy that suddenly occurred to me one day but rather developed over the course of more than two years.Why was I trying to be good at something even though I didn't quite enjoy doing it? Or didn't enjoy it at all at times?
I thought back and tried to remember whether someone forced me. Nope, even my mother despite being a teacher always encouraged me to do whatever I was happy doing.
And after years of doing it, you tend to forget why you started doing it or why you held it up with such importance.
I tend to question everything these days. Even as seemingly normal events unfold before me, I question everything about it, psychology, philosophy, subjectivity and it's implications.
And I've also found that I am able to focus my thoughts even clearly than before. Making a difference instead of mindlessly working towards inhumane goals. I've found to slowly discover and sometimes even rediscover what I enjoy and am able to plan out my future even better, Whether that future contains me being an engineer is still to be seen.
Until next time,
Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.
0 comments:
Post a Comment