Unconditional Happiness

PS: This is one of my older articles. I don't quite agree with everything in this article anymore but since it was crucial to my journey, I decided to keep it online. Read it accordingly!

Okay so today I'm gonna share something somewhat personal. Try not  to cringe! Also, this topic possibly a little contradictory, so if you get lost, give it one more read.

There's was a girl in my class at Goa Engineering College, freshman year. From the moment I met her, I knew we were so alike that we are almost the 'same person' mentally, ideologically and temperamentally. We even share similar problems and levels of emotional maturity. 

I know where you might assume this is going! Slow down.

There's just one problem: We were always in a Like/Hate mindset about each other.

We'd get along like siblings one day, then have an all-out war the next day. This had been going on for as long as I can remember. Confusing right? Let's analyze it.

The reason this happened is because having similar thought patterns, I know that we both couldn't tolerate it when the other person seemed to be an overall better person than either of us. Maybe the other person felt smarter, more confident and what not. Maybe the other person wasn't better than you, but still did seem like it.

Whatever might be the situation, there was always some friction between us.

Opposites bring out the best in each other

They say Opposites Attract, and for good reason too!

In my opinion (and observation), If two people are quite similar to each other, it is quite difficult to maintain a stable platonic relationship. Each one knows how the other one thinks, and can even 'predict' their actions. This could easily lead to a lot of chaos within the relationship. While some would disagree, the level of emotional intimacy in such a relationship isn't the same with a non-platonic one.




Obviously, some level of similarity is quite necessary but it isn't as much as you might assume.

I mean, you won't be comfortable if you and your partner didn't share some interests, mindsets and intelligence too. But again I must mention: Too much of similarity is the problem. There will be intense feelings, and that's always a problem.

Although not necessary, they might find something in the other person which they themselves lack. Something new, exciting, which makes him/her want to stay in a relationship.

There should be happiness, period

You might find that choices like these (Engaging in a relationship, etc) seem like a no-brainer. Having someone exactly like yourself as a partner may seem like a perfect situation. But if you have even a slight doubt about it it's probably not the right choice. 

I hope you've noticed that now, we've gone away from the relationship aspect of the topic.

The correct choice isn't when you 'feel' it's right, but when you know it's right. There's a big difference between the two. It's not when you examine all the pros and cons and come to a decision, but when you don't even need to make such an examination in the first place. It should be the effortless and obvious.

Every big choice in a person's life must be taken this way. The choice must be without the slightest hint of hesitation about whether it's the right one. You are actually quite aware of what's right for you but there are factors that make you think otherwise. This is not some stray piece of advice but rather an excerpt from a theory in psychology. I really can't recall the whole theory, but I'm on the hunt for it. And once I find it, i'll surely share it.

Make your own decisions. They're what make you, 'You'!

Signing off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.

P.S: After a lot of work, we managed to get along perfectly as friends.

Also, down the line, I found another friend who was almost shockingly similar to me, to the point where it was really scary and amazing. She inspired me and gave me hope that there are people out there who could appreciate me for what I am.

Rock on, both of you.

What If

As human beings what holds us back from realizing our dreams? Is it our physical and mental capabilities?

I beg to differ. 

I largely believe that everyone on this planet is capable of doing much more than they have accomplished till now. Our mind is a Goliath, something like a Pandora's Box, full of thoughts just waiting to be unleashed. So what holds us back?

It is quite usually our Subconscious Fear.

The fear of failure ("What if I'm unable to do it?"), fear of success ("If I do it, will I be able to do it again or fail miserably the second time?") and ever fear of reprehension ("If I do it, will my friends be jealous of me").

These fears play a large role in our temperament, but not quite positively.

To cure this we just need to try asking ourselves: "What if?." If you want to do something stop dwelling over the 100 ways it might fail, but rather think about how happy you'd be if you are successful. Children learn from the people around them, that the socially accepted way to live life is the correct way.

Dare to be different!

But think of it this way: Suppose you wanted to color your hair red because you feel it matches your personality, you'd think about how you'd feel odd because no one else you know has red hair.. Even if someone else did dye his/her hair, you'd be put off by the comments passed by everyone else on that person.. Now, imagine you lived in a town where almost everyone has dyed their hair in some odd type of color.. You will not feel out of place and you might even feel a little odd that you haven't already colored you hair..

While this example of mine is rudimentary it is true nevertheless. Social norms aren't necessarily 'right' and might even be insensible sometimes and whether an action is 'good' or 'bad' all depends on the frame of reference. If you want to dye your hair red, DO IT! no second thoughts. Only when we're able to take decisions like these on our own will we be able to unleash our thoughts and that creativity that lies dormant inside.

Only then will we be able to live better!

No one has any power over your thoughts, not even your parents. You as an individual have a right to do whatever you think is a good fit for you. Sure, some advice will help you along the way but you shouldn't let your dreams and ideas be suppressed just because others might not like it. Or else, you'll grow to regret what would've been a great life and will only be left to think about: "What if I had done it?"

It's your choice

The power is in your hands. Are you just going to sit back to let others take it from you? 

Take that step, it may just change your life. :-)



"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -George Bernard Shaw


Signing off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes