Solitary Shell

Everyone knows what introverts and extroverts are. And if you're in your late teens then chances are that you definitely know which kind you are, yourself.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having either type of temperament. It's natural and no different from features like hair color and height.

The problem is society. Kids these days are forced into adult-like situations way earlier than kids say, 20 years back. They have to travel, make transactions, interact with adults, etc. And this trend just exponentially grows as years go by. In such a world, having people you can trust in all parts of your life is really useful. And introverts refrain from making too many friends. 

Hence, trying to develop your so called 'people skills' will help greatly. Also, to combat stress, introverts also need to learn how to unwind.

Personally, I'm inclined to tell people never to change such things about themselves. You can't really turn into an extrovert if you aren't one. But for those who do want to try to 'get out there' more often, here are a few things you can do to adopt a more extroverted mindset and lifestyle.


Start recognizing your individuality-  Constantly checking your identity against a generally perceived 'standard' is not the way you should approach building yourself. It isn't you. You are more nuanced than the cliche you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the show that 'should' be taking place.



Avoid allowing yourself to be comfortable all the time
You will always rationalize reasons to procrastinate which provide incredibly short-term gratification at best but if you want to make a drastic change you'll find your procrastination tendencies replaced with incredible problem-solving powers.

Avoid agreeing to do things you don't think you'll be able to. 
It doesn't help anyone. People notice when you don’t follow through. Saying no is just cleaner and better for everyone. 

Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy."

Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your work.  You will be surprised at how much time you find for an activity if you really want to do it.

Drop the stingy act. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something.  Of course you can set aside a sizable amount for emergencies but if you're saving up for something specific then either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

Signing Off,

Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.

Don't Wimp Out!

Confidence is a topic which has been done till death. Almost everyone must've come across some kind of formulaic article which teaches you how to raise your self confidence and the like.

The truth of the matter is that a high level of confidence is not something that can be instilled into a person just by reading a few lines. 

It has to be drilled through actions and practice. It's not a fad, it's a lifestyle.

It all starts with correcting the simple bad habits you've accumulated over your lifetime. I readied a lot of stuff which I wanted to say here, but then I came across a mesmerizing article which not only had most of what I wanted to say, but then some. 

So, courtesy that article (Credits at the end), here are some things which you need to do get into the confident lifestyle;

Confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. Problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. Have an uncomfortable conversation with your partner today instead of sweeping an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.

Take ownership of your thoughts and actions. Don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; Accept that you were late. Don’t excuse your short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; Make the time and they keep on improving until you are good enough.

Don’t let fear dominate your lives. Things you are afraid of doing are often the very same things that you need to do in order to evolve into the person you are meant to be.

Don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While you should care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world,  don’t get caught up in negative opinions that you can’t do anything about. Know that you true friends will accept you as you are.

Keep no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. Don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. Be comfortable in who you are that you feel no need to look down on other people.

Know that you should not be competing with any other person. Compete with no other individual except the person you were yesterday. Every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.

Keep no interest in pleasing every person they meet. Not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. Focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.

Make use of whatever resources you have, no matter how big or small. All things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. Don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.

Highly confident people take action without

hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves,

“If not me, who?”

Don’t limit yourself to Plan A. Make use of any and all weapons that are at your disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until you identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort.

And for a good end to this article:

Don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. Look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. 

Maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to your life, and forget about the rest. While articles like these are a fun and an interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.

Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes

P.S: Inspiration and credits to "15 Things Highly Confident People Don't Do.", Lifehacker.org.