The Hand That Feeds

There is just something about that relationship between a parent and a child! They posses a sense of awareness about each other and a unity that isn't present in any other relationship in both their lives. No one can explain it but everyone can agree to it's divinity.

Pure, Unconditional and Divine.

Scientifically its said that we are born, 'Pre-Programmed' to bond intimately with our Primary Caregiver.

When we're born we possess a bundle of emotions which are in a constant state of flux.

Our first interactive relationship determines how those same feelings develop and how they influence all the later relationships in our lives.

Personally I believe in a particular "Inverse-Positive" theory. Postulated in psychology under various names. Let's see what it's about.

Take a moment to inspect yourself and your attitude towards relationships.

I am talking about both, platonic and non-platonic ones. For ease of understanding, we'll consider non-platonic relationships (Relationships that involve lust and physical attraction in addition to emotional connections). Study your thoughts and keep a clear idea of your attitude in your mind for a minute.

In addition  keep in mind a true idea of your relationship with your parents.

Run over these ideas a few times.

Once the concepts are clear in your mind, read this!:

As human beings, we all crave for emotional connections, the most common one being 'Love'.. Most people are able to fulfill all their desires with the primary relation with parents.. Those who aren't able to do this with that relationship, try to establish another relationship which makes up for all the missing intimacy.

If you understood that last statement, the attitude you have in your mind about relationships will start to make more sense now! Those who have a strong relationship with either of their parents realize that they aren't really that concerned about finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. 

They will also most likely settle down because they 'have to' and not because they 'want to' while those who have weaker bonds are always on the lookout for a partner. The strength of the attitude depends on how good/bad the primary relationship is.

The latter group of individuals experience much more happiness albeit for shorter periods of time while the former although not as happy as the latter, experience happiness for longer periods, lasting entire phases of their lives. But know that the former are actually able to establish 'better' relationships than the others. But it's entirely subjective since the person's opinion of a 'better' relationship is just as varied as their attitude.

These are extreme and ideal situations. It is very rare that the primary relationships are either 'Very Good' or "Very Bad'. We usually lie in the middle and within us, some people slightly lean to either side. So don't be too concerned. It's what makes you unique. And that's never a bad thing unless you let it be one!

The Hand is Always There for Us.
Whether We Want to Hold on to it is Our Choice.

Our relationships with our parents directly influence our lives. So we must try to build upon it as much as we can, make up for lost hours and always keep in mind the sacrifices that they have made for us. :-) 

Cheesy, but true nevertheless.

Contact and patience might fade in due course of time, no doubt. The love never does though.

It Lasts Forever.

Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes



P.S: For further reading, you might wanna check out the "Attachment Theory" which correlates the person's behavior in general, with the Primary Relationship. It also includes other aspects of personality. Happy Reading!

Wiki Link: Attachment Theory

And don't forget to comment if you agree or disagree with this theory.

What If

As human beings what holds us back from realizing our dreams? Is it our physical and mental capabilities?

I beg to differ. 

I largely believe that everyone on this planet is capable of doing much more than they have accomplished till now. Our mind is a Goliath, something like a Pandora's Box, full of thoughts just waiting to be unleashed. So what holds us back?

It is quite usually our Subconscious Fear.

The fear of failure ("What if I'm unable to do it?"), fear of success ("If I do it, will I be able to do it again or fail miserably the second time?") and ever fear of reprehension ("If I do it, will my friends be jealous of me").

These fears play a large role in our temperament, but not quite positively.

To cure this we just need to try asking ourselves: "What if?." If you want to do something stop dwelling over the 100 ways it might fail, but rather think about how happy you'd be if you are successful. Children learn from the people around them, that the socially accepted way to live life is the correct way.

Dare to be different!

But think of it this way: Suppose you wanted to color your hair red because you feel it matches your personality, you'd think about how you'd feel odd because no one else you know has red hair.. Even if someone else did dye his/her hair, you'd be put off by the comments passed by everyone else on that person.. Now, imagine you lived in a town where almost everyone has dyed their hair in some odd type of color.. You will not feel out of place and you might even feel a little odd that you haven't already colored you hair..

While this example of mine is rudimentary it is true nevertheless. Social norms aren't necessarily 'right' and might even be insensible sometimes and whether an action is 'good' or 'bad' all depends on the frame of reference. If you want to dye your hair red, DO IT! no second thoughts. Only when we're able to take decisions like these on our own will we be able to unleash our thoughts and that creativity that lies dormant inside.

Only then will we be able to live better!

No one has any power over your thoughts, not even your parents. You as an individual have a right to do whatever you think is a good fit for you. Sure, some advice will help you along the way but you shouldn't let your dreams and ideas be suppressed just because others might not like it. Or else, you'll grow to regret what would've been a great life and will only be left to think about: "What if I had done it?"

It's your choice

The power is in your hands. Are you just going to sit back to let others take it from you? 

Take that step, it may just change your life. :-)



"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -George Bernard Shaw


Signing off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes