Solitary Shell

Everyone knows what introverts and extroverts are. And if you're in your late teens then chances are that you definitely know which kind you are, yourself.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having either type of temperament. It's natural and no different from features like hair color and height.

The problem is society. Kids these days are forced into adult-like situations way earlier than kids say, 20 years back. They have to travel, make transactions, interact with adults, etc. And this trend just exponentially grows as years go by. In such a world, having people you can trust in all parts of your life is really useful. And introverts refrain from making too many friends. 

Hence, trying to develop your so called 'people skills' will help greatly. Also, to combat stress, introverts also need to learn how to unwind.

Personally, I'm inclined to tell people never to change such things about themselves. You can't really turn into an extrovert if you aren't one. But for those who do want to try to 'get out there' more often, here are a few things you can do to adopt a more extroverted mindset and lifestyle.


Start recognizing your individuality-  Constantly checking your identity against a generally perceived 'standard' is not the way you should approach building yourself. It isn't you. You are more nuanced than the cliche you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the show that 'should' be taking place.



Avoid allowing yourself to be comfortable all the time
You will always rationalize reasons to procrastinate which provide incredibly short-term gratification at best but if you want to make a drastic change you'll find your procrastination tendencies replaced with incredible problem-solving powers.

Avoid agreeing to do things you don't think you'll be able to. 
It doesn't help anyone. People notice when you don’t follow through. Saying no is just cleaner and better for everyone. 

Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy."

Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your work.  You will be surprised at how much time you find for an activity if you really want to do it.

Drop the stingy act. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something.  Of course you can set aside a sizable amount for emergencies but if you're saving up for something specific then either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

Signing Off,

Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.

Don't Wimp Out!

Confidence is a topic which has been done till death. Almost everyone must've come across some kind of formulaic article which teaches you how to raise your self confidence and the like.

The truth of the matter is that a high level of confidence is not something that can be instilled into a person just by reading a few lines. 

It has to be drilled through actions and practice. It's not a fad, it's a lifestyle.

It all starts with correcting the simple bad habits you've accumulated over your lifetime. I readied a lot of stuff which I wanted to say here, but then I came across a mesmerizing article which not only had most of what I wanted to say, but then some. 

So, courtesy that article (Credits at the end), here are some things which you need to do get into the confident lifestyle;

Confront life’s issues at the root before the disease can spread any farther. Problems left unaddressed have a way of multiplying as the days, weeks and months go by. Have an uncomfortable conversation with your partner today instead of sweeping an inconvenient truth under the rug, putting trust at risk.

Take ownership of your thoughts and actions. Don’t blame the traffic for being tardy at work; Accept that you were late. Don’t excuse your short-comings with excuses like “I don’t have the time” or “I’m just not good enough”; Make the time and they keep on improving until you are good enough.

Don’t let fear dominate your lives. Things you are afraid of doing are often the very same things that you need to do in order to evolve into the person you are meant to be.

Don’t get caught up in negative feedback. While you should care about the well-being of others and aim to make a positive impact in the world,  don’t get caught up in negative opinions that you can’t do anything about. Know that you true friends will accept you as you are.

Keep no tolerance for unnecessary, self-inflicted drama. Don’t feel the need to insult friends behind their backs, participate in gossip about fellow co-workers or lash out at folks with different opinions. Be comfortable in who you are that you feel no need to look down on other people.

Know that you should not be competing with any other person. Compete with no other individual except the person you were yesterday. Every person is living a story so unique that drawing comparisons would be an absurd and simplistic exercise in futility.

Keep no interest in pleasing every person they meet. Not all people get along, and that’s just how life works. Focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.

Make use of whatever resources you have, no matter how big or small. All things are possible with creativity and a refusal to quit. Don’t agonize over setbacks, but rather focus on finding a solution.

Highly confident people take action without

hesitation. Every day, they remind themselves,

“If not me, who?”

Don’t limit yourself to Plan A. Make use of any and all weapons that are at your disposal, relentlessly testing the effectiveness of every approach, until you identify the strategies that offer the most results for the least cost in time and effort.

And for a good end to this article:

Don’t accept articles on the Internet as truth just because some author “said so”. Look at every how-to article from the lens of their unique perspective. 

Maintain a healthy skepticism, making use of any material that is relevant to your life, and forget about the rest. While articles like these are a fun and an interesting thought-exercise, highly confident people know that they are the only person with the power to decide what “confidence” means.

Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes

P.S: Inspiration and credits to "15 Things Highly Confident People Don't Do.", Lifehacker.org.

What If

As human beings what holds us back from realizing our dreams? Is it our physical and mental capabilities?

I beg to differ. 

I largely believe that everyone on this planet is capable of doing much more than they have accomplished till now. Our mind is a Goliath, something like a Pandora's Box, full of thoughts just waiting to be unleashed. So what holds us back?

It is quite usually our Subconscious Fear.

The fear of failure ("What if I'm unable to do it?"), fear of success ("If I do it, will I be able to do it again or fail miserably the second time?") and ever fear of reprehension ("If I do it, will my friends be jealous of me").

These fears play a large role in our temperament, but not quite positively.

To cure this we just need to try asking ourselves: "What if?." If you want to do something stop dwelling over the 100 ways it might fail, but rather think about how happy you'd be if you are successful. Children learn from the people around them, that the socially accepted way to live life is the correct way.

Dare to be different!

But think of it this way: Suppose you wanted to color your hair red because you feel it matches your personality, you'd think about how you'd feel odd because no one else you know has red hair.. Even if someone else did dye his/her hair, you'd be put off by the comments passed by everyone else on that person.. Now, imagine you lived in a town where almost everyone has dyed their hair in some odd type of color.. You will not feel out of place and you might even feel a little odd that you haven't already colored you hair..

While this example of mine is rudimentary it is true nevertheless. Social norms aren't necessarily 'right' and might even be insensible sometimes and whether an action is 'good' or 'bad' all depends on the frame of reference. If you want to dye your hair red, DO IT! no second thoughts. Only when we're able to take decisions like these on our own will we be able to unleash our thoughts and that creativity that lies dormant inside.

Only then will we be able to live better!

No one has any power over your thoughts, not even your parents. You as an individual have a right to do whatever you think is a good fit for you. Sure, some advice will help you along the way but you shouldn't let your dreams and ideas be suppressed just because others might not like it. Or else, you'll grow to regret what would've been a great life and will only be left to think about: "What if I had done it?"

It's your choice

The power is in your hands. Are you just going to sit back to let others take it from you? 

Take that step, it may just change your life. :-)



"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." -George Bernard Shaw


Signing off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes