The Hand That Feeds

There is just something about that relationship between a parent and a child! They posses a sense of awareness about each other and a unity that isn't present in any other relationship in both their lives. No one can explain it but everyone can agree to it's divinity.

Pure, Unconditional and Divine.

Scientifically its said that we are born, 'Pre-Programmed' to bond intimately with our Primary Caregiver.

When we're born we possess a bundle of emotions which are in a constant state of flux.

Our first interactive relationship determines how those same feelings develop and how they influence all the later relationships in our lives.

Personally I believe in a particular "Inverse-Positive" theory. Postulated in psychology under various names. Let's see what it's about.

Take a moment to inspect yourself and your attitude towards relationships.

I am talking about both, platonic and non-platonic ones. For ease of understanding, we'll consider non-platonic relationships (Relationships that involve lust and physical attraction in addition to emotional connections). Study your thoughts and keep a clear idea of your attitude in your mind for a minute.

In addition  keep in mind a true idea of your relationship with your parents.

Run over these ideas a few times.

Once the concepts are clear in your mind, read this!:

As human beings, we all crave for emotional connections, the most common one being 'Love'.. Most people are able to fulfill all their desires with the primary relation with parents.. Those who aren't able to do this with that relationship, try to establish another relationship which makes up for all the missing intimacy.

If you understood that last statement, the attitude you have in your mind about relationships will start to make more sense now! Those who have a strong relationship with either of their parents realize that they aren't really that concerned about finding a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. 

They will also most likely settle down because they 'have to' and not because they 'want to' while those who have weaker bonds are always on the lookout for a partner. The strength of the attitude depends on how good/bad the primary relationship is.

The latter group of individuals experience much more happiness albeit for shorter periods of time while the former although not as happy as the latter, experience happiness for longer periods, lasting entire phases of their lives. But know that the former are actually able to establish 'better' relationships than the others. But it's entirely subjective since the person's opinion of a 'better' relationship is just as varied as their attitude.

These are extreme and ideal situations. It is very rare that the primary relationships are either 'Very Good' or "Very Bad'. We usually lie in the middle and within us, some people slightly lean to either side. So don't be too concerned. It's what makes you unique. And that's never a bad thing unless you let it be one!

The Hand is Always There for Us.
Whether We Want to Hold on to it is Our Choice.

Our relationships with our parents directly influence our lives. So we must try to build upon it as much as we can, make up for lost hours and always keep in mind the sacrifices that they have made for us. :-) 

Cheesy, but true nevertheless.

Contact and patience might fade in due course of time, no doubt. The love never does though.

It Lasts Forever.

Signing Off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes



P.S: For further reading, you might wanna check out the "Attachment Theory" which correlates the person's behavior in general, with the Primary Relationship. It also includes other aspects of personality. Happy Reading!

Wiki Link: Attachment Theory

And don't forget to comment if you agree or disagree with this theory.

Unconditional Happiness

PS: This is one of my older articles. I don't quite agree with everything in this article anymore but since it was crucial to my journey, I decided to keep it online. Read it accordingly!

Okay so today I'm gonna share something somewhat personal. Try not  to cringe! Also, this topic possibly a little contradictory, so if you get lost, give it one more read.

There's was a girl in my class at Goa Engineering College, freshman year. From the moment I met her, I knew we were so alike that we are almost the 'same person' mentally, ideologically and temperamentally. We even share similar problems and levels of emotional maturity. 

I know where you might assume this is going! Slow down.

There's just one problem: We were always in a Like/Hate mindset about each other.

We'd get along like siblings one day, then have an all-out war the next day. This had been going on for as long as I can remember. Confusing right? Let's analyze it.

The reason this happened is because having similar thought patterns, I know that we both couldn't tolerate it when the other person seemed to be an overall better person than either of us. Maybe the other person felt smarter, more confident and what not. Maybe the other person wasn't better than you, but still did seem like it.

Whatever might be the situation, there was always some friction between us.

Opposites bring out the best in each other

They say Opposites Attract, and for good reason too!

In my opinion (and observation), If two people are quite similar to each other, it is quite difficult to maintain a stable platonic relationship. Each one knows how the other one thinks, and can even 'predict' their actions. This could easily lead to a lot of chaos within the relationship. While some would disagree, the level of emotional intimacy in such a relationship isn't the same with a non-platonic one.




Obviously, some level of similarity is quite necessary but it isn't as much as you might assume.

I mean, you won't be comfortable if you and your partner didn't share some interests, mindsets and intelligence too. But again I must mention: Too much of similarity is the problem. There will be intense feelings, and that's always a problem.

Although not necessary, they might find something in the other person which they themselves lack. Something new, exciting, which makes him/her want to stay in a relationship.

There should be happiness, period

You might find that choices like these (Engaging in a relationship, etc) seem like a no-brainer. Having someone exactly like yourself as a partner may seem like a perfect situation. But if you have even a slight doubt about it it's probably not the right choice. 

I hope you've noticed that now, we've gone away from the relationship aspect of the topic.

The correct choice isn't when you 'feel' it's right, but when you know it's right. There's a big difference between the two. It's not when you examine all the pros and cons and come to a decision, but when you don't even need to make such an examination in the first place. It should be the effortless and obvious.

Every big choice in a person's life must be taken this way. The choice must be without the slightest hint of hesitation about whether it's the right one. You are actually quite aware of what's right for you but there are factors that make you think otherwise. This is not some stray piece of advice but rather an excerpt from a theory in psychology. I really can't recall the whole theory, but I'm on the hunt for it. And once I find it, i'll surely share it.

Make your own decisions. They're what make you, 'You'!

Signing off,
Shawn Kenneth Fernandes.

P.S: After a lot of work, we managed to get along perfectly as friends.

Also, down the line, I found another friend who was almost shockingly similar to me, to the point where it was really scary and amazing. She inspired me and gave me hope that there are people out there who could appreciate me for what I am.

Rock on, both of you.